Curious about prostate massage, and how to do it? We got you.
The prostate—also known as the male G-spot, or P-spot—is a small gland that’s walnut-shaped and located about 2-5 inches inside your rectum, towards your stomach. It produces the seminal fluid, or the fluid that mixes with sperm, to create semen. It also multitasks as a gland in the male reproductive system. (Only cisgender men and people assigned male at birth have the prostate gland as part of the male reproductive system.)
A prostate massage is a procedure in which a finger or toy is inserted into the rectum to stimulate the prostate gland—which can feel really, really good.
“The prostate is a highly coveted area of pleasure because it is surrounded by nerve endings,” says Dr. Evan Goldstein, founder and CEO of Bespoke Surgical and co-founder of Future Method. “For anyone who has ever had an orgasm while having their prostate stimulated, they know that it’s a unique orgasm in that it can be felt from head to toe, sending (good) shivers up and down your spine.”
Prostate massage can be used for sexual stimulation, commonly referred to as “prostate milking.” Inserting a toy, finger, or penis into the anus can stimulate the anus and help achieve arousal, enhance an erection, or relax the rectum. The prostate can also be stimulated externally through the perineum, the area between the anus and the scrotum. If orgasm is achieved strictly through perineum massage, it’s sometimes known as a perineum orgasm.
Beyond pleasure, prostate massage is said to help a variety of health conditions, including:
Benign prostatic hyperplasia (BPH): A noncancerous enlargement of the prostate gland. It develops when changing hormone levels cause the prostate to grow larger. (It’s also known as prostate gland enlargement.)
As Men’s Health previously reported, a small case study in 2006 found that regular prostate massage combined with medications such as alpha blockers and 5-alpha reductase inhibitors can help alleviate symptoms associated with BPH.
Urinary hesitancy: When a person has difficulty starting or maintaining a stream of urine.
The prostate wraps around the urethra (the tube that carries urine from the bladder and through the penis). Starting around age 25, the adult prostate begins to slowly enlarge. As it grows, it puts pressure on the urethra, which can lead to a number of BPH-related urination problems, according to the Mayo Clinic.
Prostatitis: An infection or inflammation that causes the prostate to become painful and swollen.
According to WebMD, small studies have found that prostate massage several times a week (in conjunction with antibiotics) can help alleviate symptoms of prostatitis. “If done correctly, and over a regularly scheduled time, the individual could see a decrease in prostatitis (localized inflammation—like a clogged drain that’s backed up with lots of pressure),” Goldstein says.
Erectile dysfunction: The inability to get or keep an erection firm enough to have sexual intercourse.
While there isn’t a ton of science to indicate that prostate massage can help with ED, some experts still support it. “The theory behind the potential benefit involves an improvement in blood flow resulting from vigorous milking or massaging of the prostate. Because erections are largely the result of good blood flow, any increase could potentially lead to better boners,” Joshua R. Gonzalez, MD, previously told Men’s Health.
What are the side effects and risks of prostate massage?Prostate massage is safe, but it does come with a few risks. The prostate is highly sensitive, which has its pros and cons. “While on one hand, that’s a good thing because the slightest bit of stimulation can be highly pleasurable, on the other hand, it can easily become irritated if it directly stimulated too hard or for too long,” Goldstein says. “When this happens, it causes what’s called prostatitis. What’s ironic is that while too much direct stimulation can cause prostatitis, just enough stimulation can help decrease prostatitis.” So, it’s about finding the right balance and what’s comfortable for you.
Another thing to keep in mind is that the tissues lining the prostate and anus are extremely delicate and prone to cuts, tears, and abrasions. “Micro tears of the anus, called fissures, can happen if you or your partner forgets to cut their nails or if things get too rough,” Goldstein says.
That’s why he prefers using toys specifically designed for prostate stimulation, rather than fingers. “The joints in our fingers are quite flexible and you might hit something that could be painful or uncomfortable,” he says. “Meanwhile, prostate toys have the ideal angle and length to help minimize discomfort and maximize pleasure.” It’s best to proceed slowly, gently, and with plenty of lubrication.
Przemyslaw Iciak / EyeEmGetty Images
How do I prepare for prostate massage?Many people with a penis consider prostate massage to be a pleasurable sexual practice. If you give it a try, there are a few things to keep in mind to prevent injury or irritation:
Trim and/or file your nails to avoid cuts, tears, or scratches. Take off any rings. Wash and dry your hands with soap and water. If you want an added layer of protection, cover your finger with a condom finger condom, or use latex or nitrile gloves. Gloves help limit the spread of bacteria to other places, like a penis or vagina. Grab some silicone or water-based lubricant. If you’re using a manual sex toy (meaning it doesn’t use batteries) or a vibrating prostate massage, make sure it’s clean and ready. Before receiving a prostate massage, make sure your bladder and bowels are empty. You can also use an enema or anal douche. Of course, shit happens, but there are ways to minimize a potential mess. A towel can come in handy. Never engage in a prostate massage if you or your partner has anal fissures or hemorrhoids. How do I do a prostate massage?
If you’re performing a prostate massage for sexual purposes, here’s what to do. (BTW, if you’re doing it to a partner—or vice versa—make sure you have their consent before you get started. Prostate massage is not something you want to spring on someone.)
Take a deep breath. You want to be calm and relaxed. Dim the lights. Put on some relaxing music. Do what you need to do to get into the mood.
Goldstein says to start with one or two well-manicured fingers (make sure nails are short and smooth!) that are slippery with lots of lube.
Lube is your friend during prostate play. (The anus and rectum do not self-lubricate like the vagina.) Goldstein recommends silicone lube, because it lasts longer and is slicker than water-based.
Always start small and work your way up. Whether you’re using fingers or a toy, if you are new to prostate play, do not go big out of the gate.
Slowly insert a lubed finger into your (or the receiver’s) anus. The P-spot can be found 2-4 inches inside the anal canal, on the front or anterior wall of the pelvis. You’ll know you’ve found it when you feel a raised, walnut-sized gland. Use a “come hither” motion to massage the prostate, while applying moderate pressure.
If you’re exploring with a partner, the receiver can try masturbating while the other person stimulates their prostate to intensify the sensations.
What about prostate massagers? We’re so glad you asked! If you’re operating a solo, a prostate massager can help you hit the right spot. (That said, you can also use a prostate massager during partnered sex!) The Lelo Loki Wave provides both prostate and perineum stimulation; the Aneros Stimulator is another great option for self-administered prostate massage.
Carol Queen, Ph.D., Good Vibrations staff sexologist and author (with Shar Rednour) of The Sex & Pleasure Book: Good Vibrations Guide to Great Sex for Everyone recommends any Aneros product. “The size and shape differences aren’t important in terms of their quality—these are terrific prostate toys. Most of them are non-silicone, which means silicone lube is fine to use with them.” (FYI, silicone lube carries the risk of eroding silicone toys.)
Queen also recommends Svakom’s Vick and FunFactory’s Duke. “And OhMiBod’s Clube Vibe 3.OH Hero is probably the most unique prostate toy on the market because it can pulse to the rhythm of your tunes,” says Queen. She adds that you should use water-based lubes with these, since they are silicone.
However you choose to massage your prostate, you can rest assured that you’re doing something good for yourself. “Prostate stimulation allows people to achieve an incredibly powerful orgasm—one that most people will not access (literally) due to the stigma associated with anal play,” says Goldstein. “For most, the ass is the final frontier in sexual exploration and continuing to normalize this part of our body and get rid of the taboo will hopefully allow each of us with a prostate to experience heightened sexual encounters.”
Ryn Pfeuffer is a queer sex and relationships writer, and over the past two decades, her work has appeared in more than 100 media outlets including Marie Claire, Playboy, Refinery29, Shape, The Globe and Mail, The Washington Post, and WIRED.
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